2002 Greater Milwaukee Auto Show

Hummer H1 six-figure price can't buy love

The hairy-knuckled lummox is better suited for climbing a mountain

By CRAIG FITZGERALD

Boston Globe

Friday, March 1, 2002

Focus groups, advertising, and product placement in movies and television cost big bucks, all aimed at making a vehicle more appealing to a certain group of people. Hundreds of highly educated marketers meet in stylish offices brainstorming, trying to figure out who their customer is.

By the reaction I got while driving the 2002 Hummer H1, AM General must have saved hundreds of thousands of dollars in marketing costs, because the customer is exhaustively obvious.

It's the American 10-year-old.

Unfortunately, the age 35-to-50 crowd that possibly could afford the H1's $102,000 price tag look upon the Hummer as one would gaze upon a shockingly bad hair weave. First, they stare in amazement because something just doesn't look right. Then, a look of pity spreads across the face, for the Hummer obviously is compensation for some emotional shortcoming.

Twice in a week, fearing for my own emotional well-being, I had to quickly divulge that I did not own the baby-blue homunculus.

Older teenagers react similarly. I picked up my 16-year-old nephew from his job at the local supermarket. Instead of becoming palpably excited by the prospect of driving away from his co-workers in a $100,000 vehicle, he instead rolled his eyes to the point that his irises were no longer visible.

I can see his point. In normal, everyday traffic, the Hummer H1 is a hairy-knuckled, mouth-breathing lummox. Powered by a 6.5-liter turbodiesel, the Hummer H1 chokes down fuel at an alarming rate. Since the EPA doesn't rate vehicles with a gross vehicle weight over 8,500 pounds, there are no estimates for fuel consumption. However, I drained the H1's 42-gallon fuel capacity in just over 450 miles, for about 10 miles per gallon. You don't buy a Hummer to sip fuel.

But you may buy one to climb a mountain. This is a vehicle better suited to wide-open, off-highway use. The H1 will climb a 31-degree grade. It will drive on a side-slope of 22 degrees. It can ford a stream nearly a yard deep, and the tires can be inflated and deflated on the fly by the Central Tire Inflation System. The Hummer H1's 16- inch ground clearance bests any other vehicle for sale in the United States by about half a foot.

As the Hummer H1 rolled through town, I was a little dejected by the lackluster reaction. I expected double-takes and wide-eyed stares. All I got were hostile looks and a few giggles. I was just about to return home when I got behind a school bus picking up a bunch of fourth-graders. As I stopped, I read over the Hummer's hefty price tag. When I looked up to return to driving, the entire busload of 10-year-olds was plastered up against the back window for a view of the H1.

The emphatic waves and extended thumbs left just one nagging question: Where are these kids going to get $102,000?

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