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Jennifer Anniston, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, the holy-moly trinity of Hollywood, supposed saviors of desperate media moguls. -

I'm not going anywhere with this. I just wanted to get your attention. Honestly, were you going to tune in if I led with something about Gov. Robert L. Ehrlich Jr.'s position on Medicaid, Mayor Martin O'Malley's stand on stem cell research, or Montgomery County Executive Douglas M. Duncan's criticism of the aforementioned mayor?

I didn't think so. The general election isn't for another 13 months, and already the Duncan-Ehrlich-O'Malley-for-governor act is more tired than grandpa after three heaping plastic plates of turkey smothered in tryptophan gravy. It's Snooz-a-palooza.

Gentlemen, we are a nation obsessed with celebrities, celebrity weddings, celebrity infidelities, and, above all, uh, celebrities. If you want us to put down Us magazine and pay attention, you must give us what we want: a little sex appeal.

I know, I know: Barbara, Kendel and Katie think their respective hubbies are hotties, but that's not what we're after. Let's not confuse sexy with sex appeal. Case in point: I think we can all agree that The Donald is not sexy (his hair alone disqualifies him), but he does radiate the kind of sex appeal I'm talking about. He has power, A List associates, impossibly expensive toys and Kleenex romances.

Duncan, Ehrlich and O'Malley have material to work with. For starters, they each have considerable power. But they should abandon those Colonial-era political titles and start referring to themselves as chief executives. Corner-office titans are hot right now. And what's a mayor anyway? Wasn't there a McDonald's character named mayor-something-or-other?

As for A List associates, well, the fellas could use some help in this area. Hanging out with William Donald Schaefer may be good politics in a Democrat-leaning state, but it's not going to get Ehrlich past the velvet ropes and into the champagne room.

Like all Democrats, Duncan and O'Malley are seeking the reflected glamour of their last celebrity prez, John F. Kennedy.

Announcing his candidacy last week, O'Malley predictably invoked Camelot, solemnly intoning: President Kennedy reminded us of the responsibility that each of us shares to make our country and our world a better place.

Responsibility is so 1960s. Yawn.

At least Duncan's perfunctory JFK reference is funny.

Duncan got his start in politics at an early age, going door-to- door with his mother during John F. Kennedy's presidential campaign, the county executive's Web site reports. Early age? Born on Oct. 22, 1955, Duncan was 4 years old during the campaign. Okay, I'm sorry, 4 going on 5. I'll give the precocious guy a break since he attended the greatest school in the history of higher education, Columbia University, my alma mater.

As for toys, Duncan, Ehrlich and O'Malley each have something that the prodigiously rich Jay-Z (if you don't know, you don't know) can only dream of: a motorcade protected by a security detail with official-looking earpieces. Better yet, police block the streets to wisk the trio on their way.

Even if you're the hottest actor alive, say the newly single Jessica Simpson (will she follow up her MTV reality show Newlyweds with Newlyshed?), with mattresses full of money and a garage full of whips, a publicly funded security team with clearance to kill is not going escort you anywhere. Well, maybe to jail if you fail to report the cash you sleep on, but that's it.

The problem is that Duncan, Ehrlich and O'Malley keep leading their entourages and bullet-proof rides to boring events, like speeches and ribbon cuttings.

Guys, have you ever seen 50 Cent jump out of a gull-winged hoopty with his clique to discuss smart growth? Here's a suggestion. Before you do anything between now and election day, ask yourself this simple question: What would 50 do? And remember, it's pronounced fitty, not five-oh. Two very different things.

Last, but certainly not last, are the Kleenex romances, so named because you use them once and discard without a second thought. If you're not already, think JLo here. She burns through men faster than a Hummer through gas: Ben Affleck, that backup dancer guy, Mark Anthony, Puff Daddy/P. Diddy/Diddy (although he only counts as one).

Monogamy might be good for you and your family, but it's not going to get you the press that's accompanied by grainy pictures taken from great distances with enormous telephoto lenses. And P.S., this is the kind of press that people actually read.

Okay, I'm outta here. My Jennifer Anniston blog doesn't update itself.

Mark R. Cheshire is editor in chief and vice president of The Daily Record. He can be reached at 410-752-3849 or mark.cheshire@mddailyrecord.com.